PDF/EBOOK [The Illusion of Love] BY David P. Celani

The Illusion of LoveA little too self righteous in assuring the reader that his approach is the only correct one but spot on and xtremely insightful nevertheless Intelligently concentrated on attachment on the whole rather than the subject stated on in the "title I d say it s one of must reads fora therapist The author lucidly describes the "I d say it s one of must reads fora therapist The author Lucidly Describes The Seated describes the seated that abused women get involved with and have trouble leaving abusive men Celani i combine theory and practice well Only the individual who was not initially loved is capable later in life of attacking maiming or Obsession even killing his partner p 88Fairbairn s first point was that the greatest trauma that children can suffer is to feel fundamentally unloved by their mothers p 25Paradox it seems such children should become less attached but in fact they become attached spending greatnergy on the attempt to win love from the rejecting object Males rage Paradox results in poor differentiation See pp 43 29Characteris. Domestic violence is a pervasive problem in our society that has only recently come to be acknowledged in public discussion Though many see it as a social and political problem grounded in uneual gender roles this level of analysis fails to Cabaret: A Roman Riddle explain adeuately why many battered women return to their abusers despite intense suffering and the certainty of physical violence The Illusion of Love challenges the prevailing model which views the victim of abuse as a normal woman who is unable toscape from her batterer due to the ffects of terror and psychological collapse Instead David Celani offers a new answer that women who are battered have a fundamental attraction to partners who are abusiveBased on his years of clinica.

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O then contains all the sins of the family p 193The notion that we can solve a problem by repairing ach individual who is afflicted by abuse without rectifying the underlying social problems ignores All Roads Lead Home everything we know about similar human dilemmasThe models practitioners use do not prescribe interventions that lead to success and character problems arenormously difficultThe problem as I see it is our culture s almost unbelievable blindness to the long term ffects of abusive or neglectful childhoodsHowever given the state of our current social policies and the mphasis on parental rights that ffectively block all substantial intervention into dysfunctional families until the children are nearly destroyed pp 206 209pro Fairbairn Kernberg Melanie Klein Anna Freud John Bowlby key xplanation splitting abused self hopeful self on p127 stages of the battering cycle argues for Fairbairn in contrast to Lenore Walker p 152 and vidence based practice. " stic men lash out violently in an "Stic men lash out violently in an to control their own fears or abandonment and to compensate for unsatisfied motional needsCelani concludes that domestic violence is often the tragic result of a union between individuals with complementary personality disorders His findings fly in the face of the politically individuals with complementary personality disorders His findings fly in the face of the politically refusal to xamine the behavior of the victim of abuse a strategy that has led to a severe misunderstanding of the dynamics of the battering scenario The Illusion of Love calls for primary prevention of neglectful parenting to stem the tide of abuse in the future offering tangible hope for the treatment of victims of abuse as they attempt to xtricate themselves from unhealthy damaging relationshi. Tics impulsive lack of deep attachment great "Dependency Sense Of Inadeuacy Difficulty Telling The "sense of inadeuacy difficulty telling the avoidance of responsibility See p 74A telling aspect of the violence committed by character disorders is that it is most often directed at innocent others rather than the original parents Direct anger toward the parents is almost always inhibited p 79Lack of motional attachment combined with ferociousness infantile dependency accounts for much of the callousness seen in characterological relationships p89Identity diffusion underlying structural weakness pp 90 91Moral defense against bad objects self directed criticism fantasy that the world is run by rules See pp 106 107Object constancy Versus Splitting fractures the child s go pp 111 113Splitting alternating between two completely different and incompatible views of the object p 116 117The power of introjection pages 190 191In very primitive families all badness is projected onto one child wh. L Just Cause experience treating battered women Celani applies object relations theory and casexamples from his own practice to show that many women and indeed some men are unconsciously drawn to abusive partners because of personality disorders caused by childhood abuse and neglect He argues that any ffective treatment for battered women must help unravel futile and self defeating patterns such as ones that spring from fears of abandonment and fascination with men who produce xaggerated promises of love followed by xtreme rejecting behaviors The Illusion of Love xamines the personalities of abusers as well many of whom suffer from narcissism a disorder that is also often associated with childhood abuse and neglect Narcissi.